In case you haven’t been paying attention to the news, the
world ended a little earlier than the Mayans predicted. We’d been waiting for
doomsday to come this year but didn’t expect it until December. However the
Facebook and Twitter-spheres have confirmed it: November 6th was the
end of the world.
After Obama’s reelection, it has become clear that all hope for America is lost. It’s time to surrender, drop out of school and start selling death dogs on the way to the Coliseum (credit to one of my distraught Facebook friends for this idea).
See this is the difference between Democrats and
Republicans. Republicans are going to sell hot dogs instead of living off of
federal aid!
I think I’ll stay in school, work hard and get a good job anyways but don’t worry, I’ll be sure to tip you well when I’m on my way to the awesome seats that I got with my promotion.
I think I’ll stay in school, work hard and get a good job anyways but don’t worry, I’ll be sure to tip you well when I’m on my way to the awesome seats that I got with my promotion.
This anonymous twitter user really exemplifies the kind of
factual information that gets passed around on Twitter which is why I rely
on it as my primary news source.
Except the 10 most educated
states voted for Obama and 9 of the 10 worst educated states voted for
Romney but who’s counting?
What makes this tragic loss even harder to cope with is that Romney should have won. It makes sense that Republicans were shellshocked when he didn’t because he would’ve been president of the America that he envisioned and campaigned for.
The election results if only white, males could vote |
The only thing that gives me hope now is that all 50 states have come to the smart decision to jump off the sinking ship and petition for secession (Although some of these petitions were started by residents of other states...) True Republicans have such a strong devotion to America that they cannot possibly remain a part of this nation while it is being destroyed by Democrats. (Remind me again how seceding is patriotic?)
Luckily for us grieving members of America, Ann Coulter has a
dream. “If we took away women's
right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's
kind of a pipe dream”. Don’t worry Ann, I’m sure if you move to the states that
secede, you won’t be able to vote. What a relief that will be!
I say let them
secede. It will be a win-win situation. The states that secede will be free to
elect an extremely conservative leader and create a society free from social
benefits and public healthcare. They won’t have to deal with hiring women
because all the women will be too busy raising their ten children because there
won’t be any birth control. They will be happy and we won't have to listen to them whining on Facebook anymore.
It’s a win for
America too because “Six
of the seven states with more than 25K signatures received more than $10
million in federal government aid in 2010”. If these states seceded, they
wouldn’t have to accept all that federal aid anymore (phew- because it takes
money from hard earned workers and gives it to lazy people) and we would be
able to allocate that 23% of federal funding to other states.
At first I was
frustrated by the Republican reaction to the results of the election. I’d never
witnessed so many people (especially ones that I personally know) have such a ridiculous overreaction
to an election before. Their lack of understanding of our political system is
saddening. Although I disagree with the sentiment that Obama is ruining our
country, if I did believe that, there is no way he would succeed. The president cannot pass a law without the approval of Congress. No one really paid attention to who was elected to Congress when the balance of power in Congress is going to have more of an effect on what laws are made than the President will.
Even if Obama did hold all the power, the
fact that people said they should just drop out of school reflects a lot more
poorly on their character than on the job market. The post-election reaction
was very anti-American, ironic coming from the party that frequently criticizes
democrats for not being patriotic.
But if you want to
drop out of school or attempt to secede, I won’t stand in your way or try to
convince you otherwise. I say good riddance.